The Hardest Part

The past two days have been very relaxed and laid back which has been really nice. Today Bernice and I went for a run and then we went to the gym for some weight training. This evening Bernice, Kelsey and I went to mass which was really fun and interesting. I have never been to mass before and it was neat to see how it all works I really enjoyed it.
We also were able to have a pretty deep discussion after which was challenging but insightful because it is always good to see new and different perspectives.

These past few days I have come to realize my true purpose here and why I was struggling so much in the beginning.
Since the start of my planning to study abroad I have been calling myself an "unofficial missionary" and instilling in my head that I was coming to England for more than just studying but to be on the mission field and that messed with me...in a negative way.
With that thought process I had the mindset that this experience would be one that you would get on a missions trip, a trip full of doing things for God. However, my purpose here is the exact opposite. God has been teaching me that while I am in England I am learning how to share and be like Jesus in my everyday life. I am learning what it truly means to live out Christianity on a day to day basis and not just on missions trip.

I think this concept is almost harder for me to fully take a hold of because I feel by not doing something I am almost inadequate. I was talking to my friend Emily earlier today and she made a really good point. I constantly read these books, and hear these sermons and I instantly feel convicted about not doing things so I get stuck on this mindset of constantly needing to do things for Christ. But being a Christian doesn't always mean doing sometimes we need to just be.

As I was walking home the other day I just felt God say to me

"Hey, you don't need to do anything, just be yourself. Live your life for me daily and that is enough."

I instantly felt at peace after hearing this. God is so right (of course), I got so caught up in this idea of doing and what I wanted to do here and my expectations of God, I never stopped to think that maybe God had different plans...which he did.

Even though God has had different plans for me his plans have been greater and more successful then mine could have ever been. He has allowed me to see how he is using me to work in other people's lives as well as show me how he is changing and molding me to be more like him.

Coming to England meant that I needed to be like Christ to the people around me, but it also meant that I needed to open to what God will be doing in my life.

I see more and more each day how God is continually solidifying my faith and belief in him through the new things he is teaching me and the people around me.
I am so grateful to finally have complete peace about being here and to have finally opened my eyes and ears to the things God is doing around me as well as within me.

It's funny how we know God's plan is perfect and he has never failed us but we still try to mess with his plan and do it on our own. I am glad I realized this sooner rather then later, who knows what I would have missed out on if I was too busy focusing on my plan rather than his.